You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This is the high leading the old right now
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
