Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
