I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize