Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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