I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
