Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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