Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
false alarm, still single
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
