I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
