the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
