Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I want you more than these girls want KFC
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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