I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
