I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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