Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
