Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
