she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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