i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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