I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
