dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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