So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
