Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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