I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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