Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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