i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
