i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
