she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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