then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize