Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
