Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
