At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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