If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
