Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
