help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
