This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
