battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
