We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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