I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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