Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
