there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
