Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
