sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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