Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize