Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
