i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
