this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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