Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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