He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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