There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we made out on top of his cat.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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