just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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