You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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