It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
