we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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