I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
