D3 body, D1 cock
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
