I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
