I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
