hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
