He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
