did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
