i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My feet surprised me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
