I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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