the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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