New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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