I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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