i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
