weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
