his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
