i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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