one two three fourrrrnication!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
