i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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