When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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