return my video game
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I touched a dick in church today
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
