JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
