No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
