i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
