Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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