I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
