it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you win again, gameday.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i think i just lost a toe
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
