You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
