So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
