the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
